He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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