So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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