Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize