"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize