the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
