there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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