I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
