I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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