If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
