Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
