i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
