I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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