The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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