he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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