apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
