Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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