just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
