I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
