Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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