mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
