the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
