i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
