i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize