I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
