i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
