i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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