Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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