can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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