i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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