I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
