Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
