I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
