You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
