life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
