Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
