I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
