i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
