Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize