happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
