Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
