I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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