you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
