This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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