I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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