So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
