At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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