am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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