i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize