My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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