dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
