I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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