Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
why do cheetos always look like penises
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
