Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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