I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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