Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

hotel room ftw

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(512): View more from Texas

I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

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(801): View more from Utah

so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me

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(425): View more from Washington

Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.

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(740): View more from Ohio

i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina

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(734): View more from Michigan

He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."

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