can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
