dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
