so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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