i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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