YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
