Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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