if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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