I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
