Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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