Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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