I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
