there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
