whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
