We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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