if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
