then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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