After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
