she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
