i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize