My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
