life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't like sucking hair
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
