Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
