You can't special order awesome
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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