Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
