Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
